Mike & Crystal's Old Fashioned Flashback Christmas

Ah, Christmas in the future. Crazy Christmas displays, drones, decorative lasers, and Hallmark movies. Things were a little different back in our day; but not for lack of cool toys.
We had plenty of high-tech, high-concept, licensed characters and video games to bug Santa for. The difference was the way you heard about the toys you wanted.

No “Unboxing Videos” on YouTube, or buzz from BuzzFeed. The new school year debuted the fall cartoons and there were cartoons everywhere! From 3 PM to 5 PM on most networks during the week. Saturday mornings used to be awesome because there were cartoons from 6 AM until noon on every major network and most cable channels.

These aren’t the repetitive, annoying educational cartoons of today. They were flashy, noisy, violent, silly, they didn’t even have to be educational! Best of all, they were clearly designed to sell Transformers and My lil’ Ponies It was the best! The grownups considered it a conspiracy, but I thought it was great.

Anyhow, the new cartoons would start in the Fall, and by Thanksgiving, you were so brainwashed you started foaming at the mouth like a Pavlov’s dogs at the first sound of the commercial. You wanted everyone to know you wanted, but if you really wanted to make sure you got it, you had to ask the big guy. The man upstairs. By upstairs, I mean the North Pole of course. Santa. You had to ask Santa.

You could write a letter to Santa, but I had my doubts about the post office even then. If you really wanted Santa to know what you wanted, you had to tell an authorized Santa representative at the mall and suffer the indignity of having your picture taken with him. These days I suppose kids today tell Alexa what they want or something right? The other day I asked her if she knew any Christmas carols and we ended up singing jingle bells together, so a list to Santa seems within reason. I don’t want to be the old guy that thinks Christmas was “better” back then, it’s just different now because the 80’s and 90’s were kind of a long time ago now.

If Christmases of thirty years ago seem far removed, can you imagine what Christmas over a hundred years ago was like?
What on Earth would you ask Santa for back then?
Probably a Nutcracker or something right?

Wrong! How do we know? Thanks to Twitter user @Tweetsofyore. This person went through really old newspapers from all over the US which often published kids letters to Santa. The results are sometimes hilarious, sometimes baffling and sometimes kinda sad. While the stuff the kids asked for was sometimes surprising, their sentiment was surprisingly relatable.

We’ll start this gal whose doll had an accident.

Dear Santa: My doll had a very bad accident. She smashed her head between a door so now she hasn't any head. Please bring her a head. Olga IL1903

Dear Santee, Pleas ask God to give us back our mamma and you can give our presents to somebody else. We just only want her. -Harriette
Nebraska 1901


Dear Santa: Bring me a horse, ox, your love, a doll, of coarse I am a boy but I love girl dolls, pumpkin pie. -Ernest Indiana 1910



Dear Santa, You better bring me what I want or when I see you I will take your head off. Hoping to get my stuff. Your loving kid, Hexie Bunsclos TheLakeCountyTimes - Indiana, 1910


Dear Santa, Please bring me a clown riding a donkey. I have no papa who cares for us. He gives all his money to other children. Lovingly, David Indiana1913


Dear Santa, Bring me a brother play with. Papa was a bad Democrat when he married Ma, but she turn him and now he is an awful Republican. Melvin
Missouri 1898


Dear Santa, I thought you was dead I wrote to you many times and you didn't answer. The newspaper said you was living in a hotel. Joe CA1907


Deer Santy Claws: Maggy nex dor had two dollys last Crismus and i had nun. I cride all day. She dont need enny dollys this crismus. So dont give her any, and giv me two. -Anon
Nebraska 1903


Dear Santa, Bring me a box of tools, a soldier suit, U.S. mail wagon and a whip, and bring sister Frances a doll and a set of dishes. She is bad but as sweet and I lub her, and bring grandma something for she is old and cross. Willie
Kansas1887


Dear Santy, Please don't come like you did last year and crack my fingers. I want a monkey that runs up a string. Claude Glase
Pennsylvania1895

Dear Santa: Please don’t forget the poor children, especially the boys. I am nearly 6 years old. I have two husbands. My bad husband Kootsie, forgot the watermelon, and Buster, my good husband, loves me and his tricks. Your loving girl, Rhoda IL1906

Dear Santa, I want a little milk wagon, a clown and elephant, and some candy, nuts and fruit. I cut my finger end off and it hurts so bad. Me and Boots Tally were playing with the lawn mower, but we are good boys so come see us. Louie Mississippi 1911




Dear Santa: Please bring me a bicycle and a steam hammar.
Your dearest boy, Goosey White
P. S. Don't forget I'm a hammer boy.
Pennsylvania1904


“Dear Santa: We just moved out here to the wild & wooly west. we have lots of prarie dogs. Be sure to bring me a gun.”
Artie, 5 yrs.
Colorado1900

“Dear Santa, Please bring me a nice piano and some furs. I know you get tired being so old. When there is a younger Santa I will want more. “
Manda
Indiana1909

“Dear Santa: Mama says your rain deers are dead and your wagon is broke. But Santay, you can come to the depot and somebody will bring you to our house.” Myra
SouthCarolina1914

“Dear Santa, We are two good little boys, and hope you will bring us a billy goat with three horns and two legs, and also a barrel of black molasses. Hoping we are not asking too much. Yours truly, Dutch and Buck”
Virginia 1904

“Dear Santa, How are you doing Santa? My finger got bit off by dady’s hog. I want a wagon and a goat that pulls hard.”
Emmaline
Indiana1910

“Dear Santa, I am a little boy and I want a few things for I have been very good. Bring a horn, drum and little wagon. Don’t forget the pretty little girl you promised me last Christmas, black eyed and about 18. Your little friend, Willie Moore Oklahoma 1909”

“Dear Santa, Bring me a doll. If you don’t bring a doll, don’t stop at all. Don’t get sick and die before Christmas.” Eugena
WestVirginia1910

“Dear Mr. Santa: I don't want much but what I want I want badly. So act accordingly. Please send one Goat and Buck Board.” -Peyton
Virginia1895

“Dear Santa: I am a bad boy. I smoke, chew and other bad things, but I hope this does not interfere. I should like an airship.” -Paul
Virginia1910

“Dear Santa: I want a circular saw, 24 linen handkerchiefs, and some bananas. Don’t fall down the chimney like you did last year. your loving boy, Luis”

Dear Santa: Will you bring me a man doll as ugly as sin, with a ugly old high beaver hat to make me laugh. I like funny things. Helen
Virginia1903

“Deer Santie claws I want a dolly with long hare caws mines got in the gass and was bernt all off. Her forhed just melted and and runned rite downe her nose and she suffered terrbul. Please dont forget and remember.” -DOROTHY
Nebraska1901

“Dear Santa: Papa says I'm large enough to smoke. Please bring me a sack of Dukes Mixture and a pipe. Your little friend, Oree Hackley”
Missouri 1897


Dear Santa: I’m papa’s man. have just brought him a bucket of water. I want a dancing monkey, and an organ and a mule named Mike.
SouthCarolina1915

Dear Santa, Please bring me a stove, a table two chairs and a doll. A soup bone for my dog. My cousin John says he is going to shoot you when you come past his house so you come this way first. good night. Carolyn
Delaware1920

Dear Santa, I stay up to the glass factory and I want you to send me a knife to cut hay with like the one James Kidd took away from me and a nice gold tooth in the place of the one Earnest Rebrook knocked out, and some candy and nuts. Billie Louchery
WestVirginia1906

Dear Santa: Mamma says I have been a bad boy and that I won't get any thing for Christmas. Then please take all the little orphans and the poor children something nice. I am so sorry I have been a bad boy. Goodbye. Guy Carricker, Age 10
Kansas1905

Dear Santa: If you please sir, I want a billy goat and a train what you wind up. and I want the whole earth. Your little boy, Odie
Kentucky1891

Dear Santa: Please bring me a freight train and a horn. I like pretty things too so bring me a doll and ear rings. Your little boy, Thomas Peaser
West Virginia 1903

Dear Old Man: I want an ox whip to slash the stuffen' out of our Billy goat, who bucks me, and a gun to scare Jim with. Yours, Tom
NewYork1888

Dear Santa, Par says I am so bad that it is no use to ask you for anything. I am not so bad santa, as pap makes out like. I just punches my brother when he makes me mad. now santa when you was a little boy, didn’t you punch your little brother? Earnest Williams Virginia1901